Happy and Free!! Finally!!

It’s over! It’s over! It’s over! 2012 is over for me. My self imposed, year long house arrest is over. My time being grumpy is over. The anxiety period is over. The uncertainty is over. In other words, the bloody post graduate entrance examinations are over!  I’m not going to be a zombie anymore, I have liberated my heart. Yes, you heard it right, my heart, you can speak now for it’s time for the logical mind to take rest and watch you have fun.

What shall I do now? I’ll begin with laughing and crying out loud for everything that happened in the last one year. It was difficult not reacting to anything but I did it. Whenever the heart wanted to talk about pain or wished to do a ‘Mr Bean’ dance, the mind would ask it to shut up and not distract it from focussing on the vision. At times the heart would get upset with the mind and the mind, after a lot of pleading would let it write something or listen to some music. Was that difficult?  Yes!

What next? I’ll have a talk with the knight and convey his message to his lady love (that’s going to be my next poem). I WILL get the guitar repaired, learn it and sing to my heart’s content. Then I have a huge list of books to read. Oh yes, I’ll go out often. To Full Cirle, Café Turtle and the Daryaganj Sunday Book Mart. Heavenly places they are. I’ll be meeting my soul sister, friend, guide and philosopher, Mayurakshi Ba ( you call ‘Ba’ to an elder sister in Assamese) and resume those never ending conversations over the phone with all my good friends.

Soon my brother would be home and we are going to have so much fun. Bake a lot, eat a lot, sing a lot, record a lot and of course talk a lot. After a really long time, the whole family would be together this Christmas and New Year eve. After ages, I’ll have no sword hanging over my head during the festivities. Ah! I’m euphoric!! Time to pack my bags for I’m flying off tomorrow to meet my extended family.

Hold on, hold on! The best part of this day was, as I stepped out of the examination hall, the winter rain, the lovely fragrance of the flowers carried by the chilly wind embraced my soul and thus approved of my freedom and happiness! I am glad my year ended this way. I don't know about the results and the next course of action. For a change, they don't matter. The next month would be definitely better. Cheers to life and the joie de vivre!

It Remains...

Touch the reins of solitude,
It doth speak.
Unseen orb of the eclipsed sun,
Doth live...
Often souls feel,
The melancholic notes of a lost strain
The wounds might have healed,
The memories remain.

Faint fragrance of the roses linger,
Even after they wither,
Moulder, go away forever.
Love, that's drowned
In the divine ocean of hearts,
For ages remains...
Felt; never put in words,
Yet it remains.

The Rain - An Orison

Emperor of the pristine isles,
'Twixt the azure paradise.
Undying is thy redolence,
Thy resplendence mists all eyes.

Immortal as the Asphodel,
Enchanting as the amethyst
For aught I know thou light the Soul
Thou art the purest, the divinest.

Chrysolites kisseth the mazarine seas
Ferns and creepers dance in ecstasy.
The seranades fill the abode of peace,
As the mind wanders into a fantasy. 

Divine Love

She walks by, one Autumn morn,
Blowing a kiss to the silent sky
Swaying to a long lost song
Here she comes, one, who is like none.
She watches the memories drifting along
Once again, an enchantment is born
Her eyes, the mysterious seas glowing,
Smile, as the dark night is gone.
Inhaling deeply, she feels the life flowing
Love; it's there, far yet near
'Where art thou? '
She whispers to the wind blowing
It's something, she has always known.
The Autumn rain caresses her
It brings about a serenity
Soothing an ache, a longing, a fear
The fear of drowning
In the ocean of insanity.
She stops as her search is over
And there he is, with her, smiling
Her twin soul for eternity.

Death

How do you feel when you hear the word death? Uneasy? Scared? Indifferent? Helpless? For some, the thought evokes a quiet discomfort; for others, it’s too heavy to even consider. Some believe in an afterlife, others in complete disintegration. As for what’s closer to the truth—no one really knows.

Our courtship with death begins the moment we are born. A steady, inescapable companion. And yet, the idea of death strikes us as harsh. But why? Is it the pain? The uncertainty? Or the sheer permanence of loss? There’s something about this inevitable reality that casts a shadow on our minds, even at its mere mention.

Let me try to explore these apprehensions with what little understanding I have.

First, there’s the belief that dying involves immense suffering. But I wonder—are we really capable of the same emotions during death as we are while anticipating it? In the initial moments, perhaps there is restlessness or anxiety, as with any major life change. But soon, mental faculties begin to dull, bodily functions slow down, and emotions lose their sharpness. In those final moments, I believe, there’s not much pain left—only a quiet acceptance, as “We all must die one day” turns into “I must die now.”

Then comes the fear of uncertainty. What happens next? Is there an afterlife? Are we judged? Reincarnated? I don't claim to have the answers—no one truly does. There are many theories, religious and philosophical alike. I have one too: why worry about what happens after death, when the very entity that worries—the thinking, feeling self—will cease to exist in the way we know it? Curiosity is natural, but perhaps not always useful. Even if something of us lives on, it likely defies the logic of human constructs like punishment, reward, right, or wrong. I may not be religious, but I believe in a higher power—something beyond comprehension, beyond description. I’m open to the idea of afterlife, reincarnation, karma, heaven and hell—but none of these, to me, are absolutes. They’re possibilities, not certainties.

And finally, there’s the pain of permanent loss. As humans, we form deep bonds—we love, empathize, and connect. Losing someone we love, with the knowledge that they are never coming back, is one of the hardest things to endure. The memories, the place they held in our lives, their smile, their touch, their quirks—all stay with us. They bring tears, yes, but also warmth. Healing comes, slowly but surely. It takes time and patience. And a belief that the weight of grief will eventually lighten. It’s not easy—but it’s necessary. Understanding what’s within our control and what isn’t is the first step toward peace.

In the end, death isn’t necessarily something we must obsess over. Nor must we fear it so intensely. It doesn’t have to be gruesome or ominous. Perhaps, if we focus on living well—on finding joy, love, meaning—we will be ready, whenever the courtship ends.

For Him

I fear thy love, thy touch, O gallant Knight,

Memories totter forth, they cloud my sight

What if the lamp of passion and warmth shatters
And the splendor of a million stars is lost forever
What if thy heart no longer yearns or remembers
And leaves my soul alone and naked to frost  


The sweet solemn spell of thy celestial presence
Beckons my heart from the deep, dark wilderness
Where mouldering flowers stir in thy luminescence
And bitumen lakes glisten with silent reverence
It overwhelms me, my Knight, this love, its essence,

Its rapture and the soul dissolving existence 

Tell me, O Spirit of Love, this isn't a dream of thee
Beloved as thou art, it mustn’t die upon my heart
Many a dream came, withered and got lost in me
Yet I stand bare, basked in the autumn serenity.
Make my soul thine, O gallant Knight
If thou shalt promise to hold it for an eternity.