Saturday 5 October 2019

About that...

The biological clock is ticking, I know. It may sound arrogant but I know it better than anyone else. Reproduction is yet to have a purpose for me. We talk about climate change, intolerance among humans due to the differences; we talk about pollution and the lack of resources. What can more humans do other than making it all worse? Can't we make do with the numbers we already have? Well, those are my thoughts on child bearing. I have absolutely no problem with the people who do have babies. Their lives, their choices. The way I have uncountable reasons for not having a child, they too would be having many reasons to have one. I've just got one thing to tell the 'well meaning', 'concerned' people around, I am NOT answerable to anyone.
The day I am sure that I can properly raise a child, there are many children who are in need of a home. My heart and home will be open to them. If that doesn't happen, I will not have anything to regret. I shall not follow the herd.

Friday 4 October 2019

Lisbon

I had a weird dream yesterday. I was in Lisbon... well, that's what a map I was reading said. There were a lot of people around. I could see aesthetic limestone buildings with red roofs. 
The scene suddenly changed to a beach where I was walking alone, absolutely clueless about where I was going. Then I just paused, began walking towards the ocean and I woke up!
Dreams are often related to the sub conscious mind. I tried remembering if I had watched any movie where Lisbon was shown or read somewhere, something about Portugal or if I had browsed the Portuguese cuisine in the food application on the phone. No, I am sure, I had never thought about Portugal. Perhaps, I have overlooked or forgotten something I had come across.
Now the thing is, after waking up I searched the internet for more information about the place and concluded that I would love to see it sometime.
I've been lucky in terms of travel this year. I visited three different places - Lachung in Sikkim (India), Liverpool (UK) and Sydney (Australia).
Lachung offered me the perfect hibernating spot. Far away from the maddening crowd and chaos of the city. My resort was at the top of a mountain. Though it wasn't snowing there, one could see snow capped peaks all around. The chill had a soul. A warming soul. I sat on a rock outside and meditated. Soon after that a cat came up to me and bit my finger! Since I was vaccinated against rabies, I calmly classified the wound as Category 2 and slipped back into the afterglow. That state of peace cannot be expressed in words. If I have just one day to live, I'd like to be there. I have left a bit of my essence in Lachung.
The trip to Liverpool was work related. I was there to attend a conference on brain infections and I also had a paper to present. Though thrilled about the fact that it was my first trip to a new continent, I was scared about facing the foreign audience. The place had a soul of its own. There was something very dreamy about it. I went on long strolls breathing in the air kissed by the river. I spent a lot of time on the docks listening to the sea gulls cry, getting wet in the constant drizzle. Something about the place seemed very familiar. I cannot seem to put my finger on it but yes, I wish  I can see it once again someday!
Soon I set my foot on another new continent - Australia. B and me went together to Sydney. That was a mandatory visit to get the PR status activated. Sydney is not one of the best places I have visited but it is fairly good. More than the popular tourist attractions, I enjoyed travelling on the train and buying blueberries from Woolworths. B and me had a fight due to my silly fascination with the train. I kept on insisting on visiting random places so I could sit in the train for a longer time and B has limited patience in the public. Thus, the outcome is quite expected. The guest house where we stayed was pretty cozy. It did break my heart to leave behind B but this transition was vital for him just like returning to my city was for me.
So, overall, I am extremely happy with my travel schedule this year. I hope I can squeeze in many more in the years to come.
And yes, Lisbon it is, one day...

Wednesday 2 October 2019

Soliloquy

'It is all in the mind'... I keep saying that to almost everyone I talk to. The ones close to me know that it will pop up anytime after 30 minutes of the conversation. Unfortunately,  the conversations these days don't stretch for so long.  Thanks to technology.
But then, I do not try conversing with everyone I meet or I know. It feels blasphemous when the conversation is hovering around mundane things. I do not want to know if your son drew a superhero or your daughter sang a song. I'd like to know those things from them. Ask them to talk and not be preoccupied with the phone. I don't want to know what brand of clothes you wear. It doesn't interest me. Tell me about things you did for yourself and why certain things made you happy or sad.  Tell me about your ideas and tell me about something new that you learnt or you tried. Finally, ask me how am I doing. That's how conversations used to be in the pre- mobile phone era.
Digressed much? I do that often. The mind's a clutter today. I need to organize it, calm it down and feed it nutritious thoughts to ponder on.
It was a holiday. I watched an old movie. The movie which I had once liked very much seemed distressing today. A lot of things were wrongly depicted! Let me not go into them. I will sink into sadness once again. I feel the entertainment industry has always focused upon unecessary things. It has its own brand of morality which I find utterly disgusting.
The whole of the Indian society is like that. Extremely regressive, filled till the brim with hypocrisy.
Enough procrastinating and mulling over things! It's time to wind up. Do some Reiki healing on myself.
I need to shut the noise inside and sit in a state of bliss. The human mind when calm or otherwise is capable of massive things. Thoughts and intentions can heal as well as kill. And healing is always better than killing!! 

Tuesday 24 September 2019

Thirty Three

Sometimes a poison
Sometimes the panacea
You are the love that
Kills, resurrects
Calms, agitates
Denies, satiates
Existence; its diverse facets

No longer the white light

You are a million shades of grey
I, who was the darkest black,
Am no longer a void
For you are not you
But a part of me
As I am a part of you.


Sunday 15 September 2019

Random Thoughts

In the last 10 days, I finished a whole novel which is quite an achievement in the present times considering my debilitated attention span. Vinegar girl by Ann Tyler. It's an average retelling of the Shakespearean comedy, 'The taming of the shrew'. Ann Tyler has written better novels.
I could never understand why the taming was necessary. People need to understand one thing; nothing,  not even love, can justify clipping a woman's wings.
I may choose to be selfish, insecure, angry, scared and ruthless. Not always. Just sometimes. You must understand it is okay to be a different self now and then. Let me have the space. But do not go away. Love me with a tenderness that melts away the negativity and cocoons me in peace. I shall do the same for you.

Tuesday 11 June 2019

Restless yet Calm

The farther I go
Closer I get to you
The more people I walk by
Deeper you sink into my thoughts
This world seems a little hazy always
For your image obscures everything.
When I fly, I see you smile 
When I fall, it's your pain I feel
I love you with a chaos
Which has all of me
Including you, including us
This palpable reality
Is nothing but a dream
Dreamt by the infinite time
Where everything disappears;
Everything but us.