Seeking Solitude

Solitude used to be her constant companion once. They'd laugh together, cry together, write together and dream together. Life was a beautiful symphony with him. A little insane but mesmerising. She was never alone.

One day, the Soulmate came and Solitude walked away. She loved like she'd never thought she could love. She was enamoured by the Soulmate's resemblance to the image of the perfect partner she had conjured along with Solitude. She was ecstatic and didn't notice the disappearance of Solitude. The Soulmate infected her with bliss. The kind of bliss she wouldn't have known without him.

Paths diverged. Soon came a frightful pang of loneliness.
She now knows what they mean when they talk about being alone. She calls out to the happy Solitude but he has disappeared. He is a fragmented shadow in her scattered thoughts and apathy.

She has to find him. Wherever he might be. In the clouds or the meadows or perhaps basking in the sunlight on a beach. He might have wandered off to the hills or to the place where they spent the childhood watching the rain sing incessantly for days together. She has to find him.

The Rain And The Heart

Stealthily, drenched in melancholy,

He comes, when she cries,

With arms wide open

To embrace the ailing one.

He kisses away the tears

Embraces, diluting the fears,

The ones trespassing solitude

The ones debilitating

The ones poisoning

Every bit of existence,

A painfully lonely existence.

He strews hope in her world

And reminds that the time

That has gone by, that is to come,

Is a lie, tis an illusion

For there is but one truth...

Love within forever stays,

Despite the wars,

Despite the chaos,

It stays, just like him,

To embrace her

When she breaks into pieces.

The Withering Flower

She often wishes to write about the pain that no longer distresses. The pain that still lives, manifests at times as a void or a vacuum in the mind and at times, as a hilarious entity. It kills though; a little everyday. Like a slow acting poison, like the errors in the DNA accumulating over a period of time. An indifference has seeped in. Initially, it was a defense mechanism against the ache but now it has grown to engulf life itself. She is neither happy nor sad. There is no chaos, no peace. Autumn is here. Soon the winter will come in.

The 'to- do' List

Today, I will choose peace and happiness over everything else. I will stay in the present and do one thing at a time. I will eat healthy, be grateful for all the beautiful things that I have and I will watch my breath when unpleasant thoughts barge in. I will pray for people, I will pray for humanity and I will love unconditionally. After all that is done, we will drop the 'I' and be a part of the infinite.

Without Him

No spring, no laughter,
Grief metastasizes,
Seeps further,
Corroding
In his absence,
A little of the essence,
A little of the dreams.
A little of everything,
Close to perfection,
Dissipates.

Mother's Love

Profound,
With an unspoken depth,
Warm and tender,
Her love, whispers
The joys of life.
Her gentle presence,
Comforts the soul
On cloudy nights,
In the cruelest winters
And in times,
The faith ails...
It cocoons the heart,
Her love,
Pious and bright.
It sings of peace,
About beauty, bliss.
The epitome of divinity,
The divine feminity.

Sorrow

She cries,
When the lingering gloom haunts
She cries,
When the soul writhes in pain,
When his absence taunts.
She curses
The ways of the world,
Ignorant and shallow
That lured him away.
She curses...
The world to burn to ashes,
For everyday her heart breaks,
Everyday, into tiny pieces.

On Being Thirty

Thirty winters,
Resplendent
With memories;
Some vivid,
Some obscure,
None forgotten...
Love has found me,
Yet I cry,
I write of longing
And dream of running away
With no destination in mind,
Secretly hoping,
Love would follow...
Love, just the essence,
Nothing else.

To Papa

The depth of your love, reflects in my eyes,
Your warm presence defines my life
Father, you are the truth amidst infinite lies,
A warrior of light, strong and wise.

I've known pain, I've known chaos,
Destruction, depression, drowning sorrows
They could never last, none of the woes,
Your words protected me from their blows.

This day and everyday, you inspire
To be true to myself, to unconditionally love,
Papa, you are the anchor, the strongest pillar,
And that's how it would be forever.

On Sadness

Ash in the eyes

Broken thoughts

Chaos within

Depression, death

Emit radiance..

Far away, miles apart

Hearts ache

Incessant; persistent,

Jaded hopes

Kiss the sky.

Love, its quirks

Mighty as oceans

Need colors

Orange and yellow,

Pink perhaps.

Quiet nights pass by

Restless days stand still

Solitude brings pain, and

The winter comes in.

Under the pale canopy

Vast, painfully grey

While waiting for life

Xerosis sets in.

Years creep in, creep out,

Zombies live on, bitter and sad.

Me And Myself

That bridge is in a faraway land

How about the hills?

Away from the sea and sand,

We'll grow potatoes and peas

Lie down on a patch of grass

And doze off counting the stars...

We'll reclaim our soul

That was lost in the wilderness

Years ago when we'd lean

Upon a ruminating cow

And think about the secret passages

Leading to a wonderland...

We'd look in the dense hedges

For the nests of monstrous ants,

We'd run behind the ducks

Or get bitten by a goat

While feeding it the orange peels.

Beautiful days, weren't they?

Shall we run away to the hills?

Black Thoughts

Stealthily, the good slither away
The disgusting fill the vacuum
Hissing, growling, lurking
In those dark recesses.
The cob webs of pain trap them
As the monstrous spider
Approaches from the darkness.
Slowly, it devours each of them
Turning gluttonous and dangerous.
More get drawn into the vacuum
Millions and billions of them.
Each time, they get darker
And the spider gets larger.

Empty

How long will I love you

As long as the stars are above you

And longer if I can

For the past one hour, this song has been playing on a loop in my phone. And, it's a struggle to not cry and wonder why won't the tears stop streaming down. Apparently, everything seems to be in place. Yet, something is amiss. Something, without which, there's sadness in joy, chaos in peace and a bliss in pain. It doesn't rain anymore. The sunshine blinds and burns me. There's a never-ending winter storm that's crippling and numbing me.

How long will I be with you

As long as the sea is bound to

Wash upon the sand.

His Love

His love is the fluorescence of the fireflies
That dance around the grumpy bushes
Beneath the fragrant mango trees.
Tis sometimes the gentle breeze
That kisses the fluttering, gay leaves
And charms them with the magic it weaves.
Sometimes it's a shadow in a meadow,
Formless, colourless, seeking her essence,
Sometimes, it's a beautiful rainbow
Lively, yet unaware of its unique brilliance.
Her soul knows, life may be long or brief,
Drenched in his love, it'll know no grief.

Distance

In the sleepless silence,
Her soul darkened by the shadow
Of love, its wintry insolence;
One that the memories summon,
In his thorny absence,
Wept; it wept no tears of pain
But a bit of life's essence.