Allergic Rhinitis

It's one of those days when I surrender to the chaos and lie down staring at the ceiling. The mind is blank as I focus on my breath that's unsteady and laboured. There's Chester Bennington singing Numb in the background. Soon I'll drift into a peaceful slumber. Montek-LC is gradually bringing down the chaos. It's quite cold today.

Unapologetically Never His

Why did he think that he was the perfect man for her and she cannot move on from him? 

Why did he disregard the words she had spoken about how it suffocated her to be in a relationship that no longer fulfilled her in any way? Her dreams were always looked down upon. She was expected to be happy with being dragged around by him.

Why was her moving on after they decided to part ways a betrayal? Isn't she entitled to find her joy and peace? Yes, she was a fool to have chosen him over others but isn't she allowed to rectify her error or is she expected to pay its price forever? That's not the 'forever' a woman seeks. 

Is it her fault that he couldn't believe when she told him she had stopped loving and trusting him? He broke the very first promise he made to her. How could she ignore that? She is happier in a world without him and the mess he brought along. Why should he persist to pull her into the same hell by being around, making his presence known? It's definitely not love when one fails to understand what the other person truly wants and disrespects her wishes again and again. Why did he always presume they wanted the same things in the relationship when he would selectively hear only what he wanted to? When random, insignificant people demeaned her, he did nothing but be a mute spectator. How could she ignore that? She was tired of the manipulation and lies.

How long could she have compromised with not being her true self? Her true essence was way too strong for him to accept. She was not valued. Where was the unconditional love?

How long should she have tried to salvage the bond and at what cost? Most importantly, why should she have?

Some people mean what they say. She did. Always. When she loved, it was honest. When she stopped, it was irrevocable. He should have respected her identity and integrity.

Massive destructions take time. Beyond a certain point, situations get irreparable. There's no way forward. All one can do is get wiser and ascend or the cycle shall keep going on and on.

She will do whatsoever she needs to do in order to keep her essence intact. Whatever isn't for her highest good can go to the deepest, darkest, filthiest corner of hell.