Monday, 15 December 2025

On A Day Like Today

I knew the texture of my days there—
the familiar components of the table,
the weight of the chair,
I knew what tomorrow would ask of me.

I stayed because the floor was steady,
even when the ceiling pressed lower with time.
Stability can feel like kindness
when fear is louder than desire.

But something in me kept knocking—

a quiet insistence,
a restlessness that learned my name.

I began to notice how often I exhaled
Only before I went to sleep.

So I left with trembling hands,
not because I was fearless,
but because staying had begun
to cost me more than leaving ever could.

Beneath the fear,
there is a pulse—
the unmistakable rhythm of becoming.
I am learning that uncertainty
is not emptiness,
it is space.

I am meeting myself
without a title to lean on,
without a badge of legitimacy.
And still, I remain.

One day, a door will open
because I knocked as myself;

One day, a door will open
And tell me that it's where I belong.

Sunday, 30 November 2025

Duliajan and Chrysanthemums

When I picture winters in Duliajan, the first thing that blooms in my mind is a riot of Chrysanthemums and Dahlias—so many colours, so many shapes, each one seemingly painted by a different mood of the season. My favourites were always the multicoloured ones, little explosions of joy. Mother made sure the garden was at its very best in winter; every corner shimmered with blossoms.

And it wasn’t just the flower beds. The kitchen garden thrived too, full of vegetables of every kind. Fruit trees framed the house like gentle sentinels. We even had an orange tree—its branches heavy with tiny sunbursts. And the lemons! Their fragrance was so fresh, so sharp and uplifting, as though the air itself was smiling.

Unlike now, I loved staying outdoors then, wandering around the house, searching for blackberries hidden under leaves and shadows. The girl I was truly believed magic lived in everyday things. Writing about it now is the simplest way to travel back; a handful of words is enough to unlock whole worlds of memory.

Winter afternoons had their own rituals. One of my favourites was slipping into an oversized hand-knitted sweater—mother’s warmth looped into every stitch—and settling down on sun-warmed blankets spread outside. I’d sit there peeling oranges, relishing every bit of it, including the seeds!

Christmas had its own kind of magic. I’d look forward to meeting people, tasting the homemade cakes and pies that only my mother could bake to perfection. There would be a club gathering too, and I always waited for the jam session. I could never dance, of course, but I loved standing at the edge of the floor, watching the band play. Somewhere inside me lived the soft hope that one day I’d have a band of my own.

Life, however, chose a different path and I became a serious physician scientist. Yet those dreams remain luminous, untouched by time. Winters and chrysanthemums—they were, and still are, beautiful.

Tuesday, 25 November 2025

Duliajan and Queen's Crape-Myrtle

Duliajan will always hold a piece of my soul. I remember the many rainy days—how I would watch from the window, mesmerized by the gulmohar and queen’s crape-myrtle blooms. Splashes of yellow, violet, and enchanting mauve shimmered against a grey backdrop. How I wish I could be wrapped in that soulful beauty again.


I remember sitting beneath the vast, starlit sky, tracing constellations and counting the moments when the moon slipped behind drifting clouds. Sometimes I would see flashes of orange in the sky. Sometimes I would hear the distant bell ring. The breeze carried the fragrance of plumeria and nyctanthes. Looking back, it feels right to say that my entire childhood in that quaint little town was a gift. The people were warm and loving; the whole town felt like one large family. Home was, in every sense, a haven.


I remember the countless car rides with my parents—my head tilted against the backrest, watching the streetlights with a silly grin, or quarreling with my brother and immediately complaining to the adults. I lived those moments fully, without knowing how precious they were. Today, when I look back, I’m simply grateful I was there.


And somewhere in its quiet corners, I hope Duliajan remembers me too.


PS: This is dedicated to someone who inspired me to cherish the good in life - Anita Aunty!

Monday, 24 November 2025

The Usual Comp Off

I was savoring a bowl of rice flakes with dried berries softened in curd when a loose chain of thoughts began to unfurl. It started with the notion that everything must end someday—so what am I doing with the time I have? I’ve always rushed through life; maybe it’s time to slow down. It really is nice to enjoy every spoonful without thinking about the laundry waiting to be washed or the dishes piling up.


And then I wondered: am I staying connected enough to the people I care about, even though being a recluse makes me strangely happy? Today feels like one of those days when solitude is my preferred company. But does all this thinking help at all? I never imagined my life would take the turns it has, so I’ve stopped trying to predict where it’s going. I focus on small actions in the present and try not to think too far ahead. Tomorrow isn’t promised, after all.


When the final curtain falls, it’ll be something I could never have planned or anticipated. Life would have run a course that was beyond the mind's control. Life would have run a course according to the surrender of the mind.


Anyway, back to my bowl of rice flakes and berries soaked in curd. It’s delicious.

Friday, 31 October 2025

29th October, 2025

No vows were spoken,
none were needed;
those moments were heavy,
unbearably long,
incessantly agonising.

He said nothing of love
but stayed,
and in that persistence
there was a strength
words could never hold.

When pain drew its sharpest edge through me,
his hand found mine
and did not move;
not many words,
just presence,
anchored and sure.

He brushed the hair
from my damp forehead,
fingers tracing
the pain's sting,
gathering in the beads of sweat
as though to lift the hurt away.

Then a kiss —
soft,
quiet,
where the perspiration clung;
not passion,
but a vow unspoken.
and beneath his breath,
a whisper:

“I’m here.
I won’t go.
Not now, not ever.”

The words settled between us
like light after storm,
a simple truth
resting against the ache.

And when the pain began to ease,
his hand still held mine —
not to comfort,
but to remain.

Because love,
I learned,
isn’t loud,
nor free of pain —
it is the staying,
the walk together 
through the light and the dark.

Thursday, 11 September 2025

Soliloquy #Love

Today, as I drifted through a random playlist, Jason Mraz’s “I Won’t Give Up” began to play—an unexpected melody slicing through the monotony of my mundane tasks. Suddenly, tears welled up, blurring my vision. In that moment, I recognized what I had truly lost: my faith in the raw, unfiltered beauty of love.

Love was meant to be a wildfire—consuming, soul-dissolving, reckless. But somewhere along the way, I realized that few still believed in its sacredness. That realization shattered the illusion for me. Maybe I was naive, or perhaps delusional. Yet, the hope—that someday I’d be loved without conditions—had filled me with a quiet joy.

Then the Universe, in its cruel wisdom, decided to prove me wrong.

And here I stand now, burdened by the weight of change. The rest of my life seems destined to be a steady march—logical, methodical, disciplined, cautious. But I was never meant to be anything less than chaotic, wild, and intoxicated by love.

PS: The current song playing on my device is "The One" by Kodaline. Well, it is what it is.

Thursday, 14 August 2025

The Lesson

He was the bottomless abyss
hungrily devouring every fleck of light
a distortion, not the truth.

She crossed the desert of his absence,
where clocks melted
and words turned to ashes;
but time and emotions
returned to rebuild her.

Some storms do not destroy,
they mercilessly strip one bare
until the mirror shows
not just the wounds,
but the door to healing.