Her #7

It's a wrap! And it's an improvement over the last ones. This time it took nine months to see and accept the reality as compared to the last two times (those realisations took years!). There has been some damage to the body and the heart but the mind has taken over at this point. It is cold, ruthless and manipulative when it goes into the protective mode. It is capable of burning the world to ashes. How loveable is that raw power!!

No matter how many good things he has done, disrespect to her body, mind and emotions is a non-negotiable deal breaker.

Her #5

That blue flame burning in his eyes, restless and wild, is beautiful to behold. One that he protects so fiercely, with all his might. She likes the way he describes the lively essence of his solitude - The lone, peaceful crocodile in the swamp, patiently waiting for its prey. It is whole in itself, and needs no validation. She, however, does not want to be the swamp fern he floats by whenever he wishes to. She is the hornbill, she belongs to the sky. Do you know an interesting fact about hornbills? They are not meant for solitude. They are known to pair up and build a cozy home. The lovelorn female hornbill knows no life if her mate does not return.  

Let us celebrate the differences but also remember that the crocodile and the hornbill cannot end up together.

Her #4

She is tired of being called brave for fighting her battles alone. She no longer wants to do it. She no longer wants to entertain half-assed presence of people in life. She no longer wants to have secrets or be someone's secret. She is done. All she needs now is some plain, old-fashioned, 'till death do us part' kind of romance and a partner who would hold her hand (not just in the metaphysical realm) when she fights against all odds. She's exhausted. Maybe all this trauma is meant to bring into perspective what surrounds her in the name of love is not enough. Reality check!

Her #3

He is beautiful. Even if his words have bruised her. Words implying there is no reciprocation of her tender emotions for him. She doesn't know how much of it was a reaction to past wounds and how much was the truth. But she has her own history of trauma which is why she would want to see it as the complete truth of the situation. He makes her feel cared for, valued, every single day. Yet she wants to believe him when he says he has no emotional attachment to her. That means she can no longer be emotionally vulnerable. Should she close up, play dead and let him have his way till it is time for her to leave? Maybe, yes. One-sided attachment is agonizing. To escape this agony, she must run away.

Her #2

Mo knows her well. Better than she herself does. 

She loves an emotionally unavailable man and has yielded to his condition of emotional detachment if they are to get involved. She thought it was a good arrangement to keep the heart away, yet have the opportunity to know him closely. He's a beautiful person afterall. When Mo got to know of this, she warned her saying it was against her nature to be friends with benefits. And eventually, she will get heartbroken and heartbreaks are extremely agonizing for her.

She told Mo, adequate safeguarding measures are in place. She is taking a few steps back on the emotional front. The rules now are: No unsolicited care, no initiation of a conversation, no usage of the word - love (written and verbal), and all of it needs to wind up in a year. She will leave and no question must be asked. Individual intentions have been conveyed to one another, quite lucidly.

Sad, right? The girl who wrote about tender romance, matured love, finding the one, eternal togetherness and many more such things has surrendered. Not really sad. She never was meant for those quixotic ideas. She was delusional and she has learnt it the hard way. The present situation is the best she can have. Transparency, and absolute autonomy!