Spring Musing

I apologize to myself for being afraid to seek healthy connections and for believing that I do not deserve better.

I apologize for getting involved in circumstances not aligned with my core values, for the sake of pleasing others.

I apologize for not stopping when I should have, leading to a burnout and a total breakdown.

I apologize for seeking external validation when I had always been enough.

I apologize for being stoic and for not letting the tears flow.

This is how I will ensure the changed me looks like because apology without changed behavior is meaningless:

I will value people and situations that are consistent and aligned with me. No more adjusting and compromising with energies in dissonance. No more losing my essence while trying to hold on. Whatever comes, comes; whatever goes, goes; whatever stays, stays. I will show equal grace to all, without attaching myself to them.

I deserve unconditional affection, respect, care and companionship. So, I will welcome nothing less.

I will not allow my gratitude to be taken advantage of. I will protect myself from manipulation.

I will solicit bonds where healthy communication is prioritized.

I will immediately walk away from people and situations, without an explanation, if they hurt me or make me feel less.

The Premonition

The first and the last collab with him. Stumbled across it after years! Despite those being happy times, this just flowed out when we sat next to each other excited like kids, eager to write. These words were too gloomy to resonate with our state then. Now it seems like they were a premonition to what was destined.

Beneath a shroud of ice, the memories sleep, Not melancholic, but quietly fading, Frosty touch of time buries them deep, The horizon, the earth, all in ice, cascading.

Autumn sighs and yields to the wintery embrace, Along the rugged path, it walks the final mile. Bruises cease to bleed, and hearts find solace, Yet the chill of ice remains, its hold dark and vile.

Eyes blinded, white is the hue that fills their vision,
Soon to merge with the soft grace of the earth.
Within the frozen depths, lies the forgotten reason,
To thaw and feed affection upon a warm hearth.

Perhaps in this thaw, a trace of us will linger, Or perhaps we will rest, covered in ice forever.

Ray of sunshine

This is not like my usual posts. But changes are good, once in a while!!

I am as rooted in science as I am in romance, and magic. Introducing my alter ego to the world, the clinician scientist. Here is a recently published paper for the interested readers 😁

https://rdcu.be/dEpv5

Her #7

It's a wrap! And it's an improvement over the last ones. This time it took nine months to see and accept the reality as compared to the last two times (those realisations took years!). There has been some damage to the body and the heart but the mind has taken over at this point. It is cold, ruthless and manipulative when it goes into the protective mode. It is capable of burning the world to ashes. How loveable is that raw power!!

No matter how many good things he has done, disrespect to her body, mind and emotions is a non-negotiable deal breaker.

Conditional Love

She loves a man, indifferent and distant,

Agrees to his terms, his unshakable intent

She thinks it is a fair compromise,

For he is truthful and worldly wise

Their bond hides in the soft moonlight beam,

Emotionally silent, like a quiet flowing stream.

Is it melancholy? Perhaps

Her fantasies are nothing but fallacies,

She who dreamt of everlasting love

Finally sees the reality hanging above,

Not entirely sorrowful is this decree

Such transparency is unblemishedly free.

The Aftermath

Forgotten questions floated in the air,

Lost, they swirled in silent despair

Few were about the offense she bore

When she confessed feelings he ignored.

Wrapped in the dark shroud of understanding,

Heavy as a cloud, the silence was deafening

What remained in the end was a void, a hole,

Where hopes once danced, there was no soul.

Her mind yearned for the hills to flee,

Away from this heartbreaking irony,

She cursed the retrograde of Mercury's sway,

For bringing about this unfortunate disarray!

The Realization

In the stillness of the flowing time,
Heartbeats echoed without a rhyme,
She stood waiting for it to fray,
As earthly things often slip away.

But his existence endured, firm and true,
Not in form or what others construe,
Beyond the past haze of minds bared,
It remained in the words they shared.

In the timeless void where worlds collide,
He revealed dimensions unseen, untried,
But unaware of his own intense sway,
As she marveled at the truths on display.

While he unlocked the doors to the unknown,
In his own world, he roamed all by his own,
She, in reverence, stood stunned by the sight,
Of his essence, a beacon in the gloomy night.